A 'tribute' to all those AU writers out there
by KColl2003
Summary: Kendra, Kennedy, Buffy, and Faith are members of a girl band. All their friends and enemies are there but in different roles. FINISHED


Dedication: To Jens, it's on you!  
  
Grateful Undead - The Ultimate AU.  
  
Original Cast Members:  
  
Rupert Giles: Manager of punk band Ungrateful Dead and secret father of Buffy. Jenny Calendar: Giles' wife who is having an affair with the band's drummer. Spike: Band's lead singer. Angel: Band's lead guitarist. Warren Meers: Band's drummer. Darla: Group's PA, and Angel's ex-wife. Willow & Tara: Bisexual Grateful's fans with a crush on Angel. Anaya: Darla's girl-friend. Xander: Group's put upon roadie who is black-mailed by group's accountant Wesley into BDSM. Wesley: Group's accountant. Andrew: Only male Grateful fan with a lust for Xander.  
  
Wood: Manager of girl band The Slayers (think Spice Girls only good looking and semi-decent singers) who has a lecherous desire for one of his group's members Faith, despite being nearly 15 years her senior. Faith, Buffy, Kendra, Kennedy - The Slayers. Buffy is sleeping with both Angel and Spike (sometimes both at once). Kate Lockley & Cordelia - Dommatrixs with an obsession for Kendra. (so I think they'd both look really good in leather with whips and chains, sue me). Harmony - bitch who failed the group's audition, determined to ruin group and is blackmailing Kennedy about her secret under-age girl-friend. Gunn: Group muscle. Joyce: Buffy's mother, had an affair with Giles in the early 80s, also group make-up artist. Secretly video-taping her wild romps with Faith and selling the tapes to Wood. Dawn: Kennedy's girl-friend  
  
The Story:  
  
Both bands' lives are shaken up when the Charmed Ones, a trio of powerful witches, fall under the influence of Snyder, the most powerful dark mage of all-time who leads a group of elite occult mercenaries called Demonspawn, and hates his wife Joyce for having a daughter by other man and wants to take the ultimate revenge by killing Buffy, as well as kidnap Faith who is the mortal daughter of an angel, Drusilla, who if corrupted would be the ultimate evil, controllable only by the person who turned her.  
  
With their friends dying, Faith and a badly-injured Xander flee in KITT. They are met by a world-weary PI by the name of Amy Madison who is travelling the country on Street Hawk. The trio are trapped in the Southfork Ranch when Oz, a tough-talking battle-jaded former Green Beret, rescue them. There is an instant attraction between Oz, Amy, and Faith and a love triangle begins with the two women attempting to top each other in evermore depraved acts. Enraged by the Charmed Ones' failure, Snyder kills them and decides to send his two sons Groo and Connor, warriors enhanced by his magics, after the quartet, backed up by his leather-clad sub and assassin Glory. Unbeknownest to Amy, Ethan Rayne, her former boyfriend and corrupt police captain is also searching for her. The famous warrior and bounty hunter Jonathan is also contacted by the power-mad Snyder but repulsed by the plans that the wizard has for Faith and the world in general, Jonathan decides to side with the good guys - after slaughtering the inhabitants of Dawson's Creek.  
  
On their travels, Faith and Amy end up dancing at The Titty Twister and struggling to escape the clutches of Fran 'n;' Furter while Xander recovers from his injuries and begins to fall in love with Faith, however as he's taken dating advice from Beavis and Butthead she's not interested. Next the band arrive at Falcon Crest, the cross-dressing sadists Lilah & Lindsey capture our heroes and begin to break the quartet but Jonathan arrives and saves them. A grateful Faith offers herself to him but as Jonathan is impotent he refuses.  
  
Finally our embattled warriors, together with the new addition of Jonathan arrive in Springfield, where the girls are taken in by the Flanders family and Oz, Xander, and Jonathan end up staying with Barney Gumble. Ethan Rayne arrives in Springfield but before he can catch up with Amy is run over and killed by Homer Simpson.  
  
Xander begins training under the tutelage with the town's other new citizens Hong Kong Phooey and Rocky. Amy begins learning the most up-to- date law enforcement techniques from Chief Wiggum and Faith starts to show Lisa how to get Ralph,. Millhouse, and Nelson do whatever she wants. Oz bonds with Otto, learning to play the guitar (he always wanted to do that). Meanwhile Jonathan kills Sideshow Bob and Mr. Burns after discovering their plan to mind-control Marge, Edna, Maude, Patty, Selma, Faith, and Amy into a harem.  
  
Unfortunately the love triangle between Faith, Oz, and Amy ends with Oz choosing Amy. Heartbroken, the beautiful brunette goes into a spiral of self-destruction that includes her having an one night stand three-way with Apu and Comic Book Guy, having an affair with visiting archaeologist Lara Croft and the aristocrat's half-uncles Indiana Jones and Doc Savage, and a wild lesbian fling with Tru Davies and Missy Patone (three Elizas, temperature's rising). Finally she finds love in the arms of Kermit the Frog. She's once again heartbroken when they're tracked by two FBI and Demonspawn agents Mulder & Scully. Elated, Snyder sends Groo, Connor, and Glory in to kill them. Kermit is killed, and Amy seriously wounded in the battle. Groo, Connor, and Glory are killed and Kenny bravely sacrifices his life to save Xander.  
  
Unwilling to risk Amy's life to Dr. Nick Riviera they flee to Chicago where Amy meets and falls in love with Dr. John Carter. A devastated Oz begins a homosexual relationship with Snyder's youngest son Riley. Horrified by this development, Snyder commits suicide leaving Fred and her love-slave Professor Walsh in sole control of the forces of evil. Eager to please her mistress Professor Walsh and her son ADAM the gimp build an army of Universal Soldiers, Replicators, Terminators, and Daleks.  
  
While Amy recuperates Xander and Faith steal AirWolf and travel the U.S. tracking down heroes, bringing the together the DC. & Marvel legends together as well as Dante, Jack Crow, Sabrina, Dirk Pitt, Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, STARS team, Kar & Jade, Men in Black, SG-1, the Immortals, Remo Williams, Dante, Eric Draven, and the Greatest American Hero. Charlie Chan, Tintin, Biggles, the Phantom, the Fraggles, Hogwarts School, Crocodile Dundee, and James Bond all volunteer to help the forces of good.  
  
Finally the two forces meet on Sunset Beach and battle is joined. The white hats are being defeated when the Tardis arrives and Ripley, Robocop, Neo, and Max turn the battle in the good guys' favour.  
  
However just as the battle ends, the Cylons arrive with the entire fleet. Fortunately at that exact moment the Vorlons and the Jedi Knights arrive and defeat the Cylons. At the end of the battle, taking advice he got from Bond, Xander sweeps Faith off her feet. Faith is further pleased when discovered her father - Uncle Buck.  
  
Several weeks later, Gandalf summons the heroes to assist Aragon in a search for the One Ring that has moved to the home world of a legendary warrior Conan. Frightened but resolute, Amy, Carter, Faith, Xander, Jonathan Oz, and Riley set off with Rand al' Thor, Druss, Aragon and He- Man. Not the least because they find Wood isn't dead and still leching after Faith. Maybe jumping a few dimensions would get rid of him.  
  
Comments? Names Of A Good Shrink?  
  
Keith 


End file.
